Who Dunnit Parody
by VampireLover101
Summary: Who Dunnit is a story a good friend of mine wrote its a humorsatire about really randome stuff then he bave me his blessing to write a parody so mostly it was me replacing names with harry potter charecters but more will change...
1. Chapter 1

Who Dunnit?

A murder-comedy written by Alex John

Parodied by VampireLove101

WARNING!

The following work of fiction may contain questionable content. If you disapprove of swearing, violence, adult situations, or unique and bizarre humor involving carrots, then perhaps you shouldn't read this and instead pick up a book about furry bunnies and such. But if you read this anyway don't come crying to me because I warned you far in advance. Now that that's all over with, enjoy the story! NOTE: This story was revised in 2007. But other than a few minor revisions, and the addition of the bonus chapter, it is the same story that was written in late 2005/early 2006.

Chapter One : Gone Fishing

Fisherman Fred and Fisherman George were drunk as hell one night fishing out on the lake somewhere in northern Little Winging. The two were having a good time but neither was catching anything.

"Hey I got a bite!" Fred shouted. His fishing reel was being tugged at the end. George looked at the end of the rod and in total disbelief he said, "Wishful thinking pal. Why don't you reel it in and see for your self?"

Fred reeled in as fast as he could and soon enough his empty lure emerged from the deep lake. He had nothing. George laughed and handed Fred a beer. Fred opened up the beer but it exploded in his face. George burst out laughing at his friends' misfortune. Still thinking he could get the fish, Fred put his lure back in the water and bobbed it up and down.

"Here fishy, fishy, fishy, I've got some dinner for you!"

Suddenly the monster fish came out of the water and tried to bite Fred. If he didn't pull his hand away at the last minute, it would have been lunch for the fish.

"Son of a bitch!" yelled Fred.

George continued to laugh at Fred. In the distance Fred noticed a boat with nobody in it.

"Hey what's that?"

"It's a boat, moron."

"Yeah but it's got nobody on it!" exclaimed Fred. Fred took the binoculars that were dangling around his neck and confirmed his claim.

"Let me see that!" George yanked the pair of binoculars off from around Fred's neck. The neck strap got caught around Fred's long and greasy Red hair and Fred yelled as George yanked on the binoculars. George put the binoculars up to his sun burnt face and he could clearly see what his friend saw.

"Well let's get over there!"

After Fred turned on the motor, the boat went cruising over to the abandoned boat across the lake. As the boat came to a stop, both the fishermen were greeted by the remains of a terrible murder. There laid the bodies of Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. Both had been gruesomely murdered. Blood stained the inside of the boat. The boat was filled with blood stained assorted vegetables that included cucumbers, broccoli, cauliflower, carrots, ears of corn, and others. Ron's had an ear of corn stabbed in his left eye socket and Harry had a carrot stick jabbed in his forehead.

Fred muttered in total fear, "This is brutal!"

"We better tell the park rangers about this one!" George said. "Wait a minute I am a park ranger! I'll call the police!"

Fred and George looked at the bodies in total horror and together both of them said, "Who dunnit?"


	2. Chapter 2 Who Dunnit

Chapter Two: Who Dunnit?

Professor Dumbledore was sitting in his office doing some paperwork when the door suddenly opened up and in came a man in a long tan coat wearing a detective's hat. The man took off the hat and the coat and put both of them on the rack. His attire reeked of 1820's. Obviously he wasn't up to date with the latest trend in clothing. Professor Dumbledore was concerned that this guy wasn't very good.

"Sit down Mr. Riddle," Said Professor Dumbledore.

"Please, call me Tom," Paul replied.

Professor Dumbledore paused for a few seconds and said, "Tom, I have a job for you. I've had two of my students murdered and I need you to find the killer for me. Here's all the info on my two students Harry and Ron. I've included a list of people I suspect might be the murderer. I hope this is good enough."

Tom looked over the information and said, "This is good. Thank you sir. I'll get to work on it immediately."

"Good! We're all counting on you Tom."

Tom exited the office and shut the door behind him. After he left, Prefessore Dumbledore had a distressed look on his face and said, "That guy probably couldn't find his way out of a wet paper bag even if he had a map and a compass! If only the Ministry wasn't so cheap I'd be able to contract some real professionals like The Weasleys. But no! We have to be so fucking cheap!" Professor Dumbledore turned red in the face and yelled, "This just isn't fair!"

While Professor Dumbledore was having his hissy fit, Tom had already begun to look over the list. First suspect on the list was Professor Bins. Tom began to walk around the quiet hallway of MVL.

"I'm Professor Bins, and I'm boring as hell."

Immediately, Tom turned his head to look inside a classroom and his eyes were delighted by the sight of a bald middle-aged ghost.

"That's the guy!" Tom yelled and he ran into the classroom.

"Class, would you all take out your History books… well it looks like we have a visitor, how can I help you?" Professor Bins said as he directed his attention to Tom. Tom looked at the first hour History of Magic class, which consisted of seven students either asleep or nearly asleep. Professor Bins had a reputation for being so boring that students would pass out cold due to extreme boredom.

"Professor Bins, I'm here to investigate you on the Murder of Harry and Ron."

"Those two kids. Tragic, totally tragic. Those kids died in an inhumane manner. Both of them were in my first hour current issues. I feel so sorry for them."

"I feel sorry for them too," Tom said. He felt sorry for both of them because they had to put up with Professor Bins for their first hour teacher. Tom had a hunch that being in his class qualified as cruel and unusual punishment. "You're one of the murder suspects. Did you know that?"

"I don't know why anyone would suspect me of murder," replied Professor Bins. "I'm not capable of such a task. This reminds me of a story from my youth, let me tell you about it…"

Professor Bins went on and on about his life and Tom looked at the poor sleeping students. One student who was not asleep but looked to be in much pain was Dean Tohmas.

"I can't take much more of this," Dean groaned and then collapsed on the floor dead.

"…And that's the story on how I saved Christmas."

"Well Professor Bins I'll get back to you a little later. I have work to do." Tom exited the classroom, only to come back in for a quick moment and say, "Maybe you should help Dean out. He looks a little dead."

Professor Bins put his hands on top of his head in distress and said, "I've bored another one to death! That's the sixth one this week and it is only Tuesday! Whatever shall I do?"

Tom ran as far away as he could from Professor Bins class. He didn't want to be joining Dean later that afternoon in the morgue.

"Well now that that's done I have a number of students and faculty left to go," Tom said as the school bell rang.


End file.
